With Mark Webber confirmed at Red Bull Racing for 2013, one piece of the Formula 1 driver jigsaw has slipped into place. It means, of course, that he won’t be taking the second Ferrari seat alongside Fernando Alonso, which in turn means that fresh speculation is required.

That’s not escaped The Horse Whisperer, Ferrari’s resident sarcy bugger:

“Now coming into bloom are a whole list of possible and potential replacements, with a list of names from A to Z, something Ferrari is well used to. In truth, one letter, the ‘Z’, seems yet to be uncovered, or quite possibly it’s Zorro… unmasked.”

Well, I take that as a personal challenge. So here we go, a full A to Z of potential replacements for Felipe Massa:

1. Jaime Alguersuari. Go on, he seems nice on 5 Live.
2. Massa’s Brother. They’re virtually twins anyway.
3. DTM isn’t going terribly well, so maybe a triumphant return for David Coulthard.
4. Massa’s Dad. See ‘B’.
5. And if Coulthard gets a shot, why not Ben Edwards too? He’s done a bit of racing.
6. He’s doing just fine in IndyCar, but it’d be fun to see Dario Franchitti in F1. And he could see more of his cousin, Paul di Resta.
7. Almost seriously: it would be nice to see Timo Glock in a decent car again.
8. Anthony Hamilton. He’s not managing di Resta now, after all. Also: probably more likely than Lewis.
9. Has Yuji Ide got his super license back yet?
10. Chris James has a bit of a… er… ‘reputation’ in the BTCC, so he might take some of the heat off Pastor Maldonado.
11. Sticking with BTCC, I’m not sure what happened to Erkut Kizilirmak. There’s no Turkish Grand Prix now, but how about a Turkish driver?
12. Yet more BTCC: Rob Austin. But reprising his role in Rush, Ron Howard’s film about Lauda and Hunt. So Rob Austin as ’70s American F1 driver Brett Lunger.
13. Felipe Massa. Ferrari could announce that they’re dropped him, then a week later announce that they’ve signed him. Bingo: twice the coverage.
14. Nobody. Ferrari have been banging on about running three cars for ages, so they could surprise everyone and drop to one.
15. Tim O’Glock. Rubbish joke, I know. And yes, I’ve already mentioned him. WHAT OF IT?
16. Giorgio Pantano, the only GP2 champion not to move up to F1. It’d certainly make Will Buxton’s day.
17. Er… The Queen?
18. Always good to rekindle a rumour: Valentino Rossi.
19. Or how about Casey Stoner? It’s one of the few things that would be an even bigger surprise than his retirement from MotoGP.
20. Good fact: five British drivers with the surname Taylor entered F1 races in the ’50s and ’60s. So yeah, one of them: Dennis, Henry, John, Mike or Trevor.
21. It took a while, but I found one: Geoff Uhrhane. The Australian is currently 12th in British Formula 3. Arguably not as experienced as Ferrari usually go for.
22. Jacques Villeneuve. He’s always on the verge of a return, isn’t he?
23. More drive-by than driver, but Tim Westwood will have more time when he stops his 1Xtra show in the autumn. And he presented Pimp My Ride UK, which has to be some sort of qualification.
24. Mind you, if you’re going to go for a Pimp My Ride presenter, you’d go for the original: your man X to the Z, Xzibit.
25. Nick Yelloly. Paddock Scout says the British youngster – currently standing third in Formula Renault 3.5 – is good, and that’s good enough for me. Though possibly not for Ferrari.
26. Zsolt Baumgartner. If Narain Karthikeyan deserved a second chance in F1, so does he.

There, and I didn’t have to resort to Zorro.

In fact, there are three drivers with surnames beginning with ‘Z’ in this year’s Formula Two field alone. So, The Horse Whisperer, it’s actually ‘U’ that’s the hardest to fill. GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT.

Photo Credit
ph-stop – Flickr – Some rights reserved